Coping Strategies to Help You Process the Complex Emotions When Someone Dies
We hear over and over that death is inevitable and, on an intellectual level, we understand it, but it doesn’t ease the pain and emotional trauma when a loved one passes away. Sometimes, we can simply be overcome with grief, uncertain how we’ll make it through today and tomorrow. The grieving process is just that…it’s a process and it takes time. It’s also different for everyone. There are, however, some things that you can do to help you work your way through all the emotions that can arise when a close family member or friend dies.
Don’t Try to Avoid It
For many, the first response to grief is avoidance. Often, this takes the form of distraction or diversion. You may work hard to keep yourself busy, thinking that by doing so, you won’t have time to feel the pain. There’s often a perception that, with time, everything will heal, so if you can just keep yourself busy until you’ve reached that point, it’ll all be over.
Unfortunately, grief doesn’t work that way. The only way to meaningfully and effectively work your way through grief is to feel it and experience it. It can be uncomfortable and even scary, but once you surrender to it, you’ll quickly discover that you have the inner resources to acknowledge your loss and move forward. Be willing to fully feel all the emotions you have inside. Those that you don’t let out will typically stay inside and percolate, spilling over onto other areas of your life.
Don’t try to be brave for others—in fact, by being willing to fully express your grief, you can tacitly give them permission to feel theirs, helping them through their loss.
Understand, too, that there’s no specific way you are supposed (or not supposed) to feel. Grief does not have a timetable. Listen to your own heart and be honest with your emotions. Be willing to let the grieving process take its own path, and prepare yourself for the wide range of emotions that may surface, from denial to anger to depression to acceptance.
You should also be prepared for expected and unexpected reminders of your loss. Friends and family will likely reach out to you on anniversaries of the death, all with good intentions. You may be watching a movie, reading of book or just driving down the road when strong flashbacks of your loved one swell over you. It’s going to happen and it’s all part of the healing process. Every time it does, you’ll likely discover that you have less pain and more warm regard for the presence of that person in your life.
Participate in All the Traditions and Rituals
Funerals and burials are designed to help you honor and pay respects to loved ones, but they are also vehicles for helping you experience and move through your grief. Simply being with others who are experiencing similar feelings of loss or uncertainty can help you fully understand that you’re not alone. In addition, being with others can help you reminisce about and share your feelings and thoughts with others, which can help you feel the feelings you need to feel to move through your grief.
Get Professional Support If You Need It
Sometimes you can work through your grief by talking with family and friends, but occasionally that may be too difficult. Don’t be afraid to seek guidance from your rabbi or other advisor, including grief counselors, therapists and support groups. Often, simply talking about your loss with an uninvolved third party can allow you to be more open and honest with your feelings. There are many highly qualified professionals specifically trained to help you cope with your loss.
Create a Memorial Related to Your Loved One
One of the biggest fears we all have is that we’ll start to forget about those we loved so much, once they are no longer in our lives on a daily basis. Find ways to preserve your memories of a loved one. Put together a photo album, collage or slide show. Plant something in their memory, something that you see on a daily basis, that reminds you of the impact they had on your life. If they had a favorite charity, get involved with it. Whenever you give of your time, you’ll have fond memories of your loved one.
Gutterman’s and Gutterman Warheit—Compassion, Comfort and Assistance for More than 125 Years
At Gutterman’s and Gutterman Warheit, we have served the Jewish communities in New York and Florida for five generations, helping you all the details of a funeral and burial services after the death of a loved one. We provide comprehensive services, helping you with the order of service for the memorial, the selection of a monument or marker, the creation of a Yahrzeit calendar or the arrangements for sitting Shiva, among other things. We will also work directly with the Chevra Kadisha, ensuring the proper preparation of the body for burial under Jewish practices. We provide comprehensive funeral and burial services to individuals and families from all Jewish traditions.
If you need assistance with funeral and burial preparations after the death of a loved one, or simply want to learn how we can be of service to you, call us at one of the numbers provided below. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to assist you.
Gutterman’s & Gutterman Warheit — Where Relationships Matter
Family Owned and Operated Since 1892
Rockville Centre: (516)764-9400 | Woodbury: (516)921-5757 | Brooklyn: (718)284-1500
Boca Raton, FL: (561)997-9900 | (800)992-9262