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Why Jewish Mourners Place Stones on a Loved One’s Grave

At the end of the powerful, award-winning film Schindler’s List, mourners file one-by-one past the grave of Oskar Schindler, laying down stones of many shapes and sizes as they stop to honor his memory. It’s a Jewish tradition that dates back thousands of years. When you go to a Jewish cemetery, you won’t see flowers planted around the tombstones, but you’ll probably see many piles of stones adorning the markers, apparently placed without specific pattern.

Outside of the Jewish faith, there may be little familiarity with this practice. In fact, even within the Jewish tradition, many don’t know the history or the significance of the practice. Why are stones piled by a gravestone? How did the custom originate? Not surprisingly, there are a number of theories about how this practice began.

Unlike many Jewish practices, the placing of stones is not a commandment or law, but merely a custom that has evolved over time. The specific origins of the practice have long been lost to history, but a number of theories have been put forward:

  • The practice may symbolize the permanency of the deceased in our memories—According to Jewish scholars, the Hebrew word for pebble is tz’ror, which can also mean “bond.” The El Maleh Rahamim prayer (the prayer for the departed includes the words “tz’ror haHayyim,” where Jewish mourners ask that the decedent to be “bound up in the bonds of life.” Placing a stone at the gravesite then signifies two things: that the mourner has been to the gravesite to pay his or her respects, and that the deceased will be as permanent as a stone in the mourner’s memory.
  • The practice may have originated as a mechanism for warning and protecting Jewish priests—Under Jewish tradition, when the Temple was in Jerusalem, a Jewish priest, or kohanim, was required to refrain from coming within four feet of a corpse. It was believed that doing so would cause the priest to become ritually impure. Unfortunately, in those days, many burial sites were essentially unmarked, making it difficult for priests to honor that command. Accordingly, mourners began placing rocks at the site of a grave to provide notice to any priests who passed.
  • The stones may help keep the deceased’s soul where it belongs—The Talmud says that, at the time of burial, a person’s soul remains in the grave for a period of time. It is also believed that souls will often attempt to return to the land of the living, typically with unwanted consequences. The stones weigh down the soul, then, helping it stay where it belongs. It is also believed that the stones also keep otherworldly beings, such as golems and demons, from infiltrating the grave.
  • The stones attest to the permanence of the soul—That’s why there are no flowers at a Jewish funeral and why mourners don’t plant flowers at Jewish gravesites. Flowers represent the impermanence of life—they are born, they blossom, they wither and die. Stones, on the other hand, signify the perpetual existence of the soul, as well as our enduring memory of the departed.
  • The stones may also represent communication with a loved one—There is a tradition of leaving handwritten notes to loved ones at the Western Wall in Jerusalem. If no cubby hole or space is available in the wall to place the note, individuals typically leave it at the base of the wall, weighted down by a stone or pebble. The same tradition has been followed at gravesites and monuments, though the tradition of leaving a note has died out.

Gutterman’s—Serving the Jewish Community in New York and Florida

At Gutterman’s and Gutterman Warheit, we have met the needs of Jewish families in their time of mourning for five generations. We have extensive knowledge of the different Jewish burial customs and traditions, and can assist you with any matters related to the death of a loved one.  We can coordinate with the Chevra Kadisha ensure proper preparation of the body, handle arrangements for Shiva, help you choose a monument or marker, create a Yahrzeit calendar or plan the memorial service.