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Jewish Traditions that Honor the Memory of a Loved One

In the Jewish tradition, the mourning of a loved one is a significant part of our faith. Accordingly, Jewish teaching has established a specific set of rituals and practices to be completed after the death of a loved one. Those stages include:

  • Aninut, or pre-burial mourning
  • Shiva, the seven-day period immediately following the burial
  • Sheloshim, a 30 day period of mourning
  • The First Year, or Yahrzeit, observance

What Is Aninut?

In the immediate aftermath of the death of a member of the Jewish faith, immediate family members enter into the Aninut, or “numbing” period of grieving. Generally considered the most intense time of mourning, Aninut lasts until the burial. Under Jewish law, the body must be consecrated in the ground as soon as practicable, typically within 24 hours.

A common practice during Aninut is the “k’riah,” or rending/tearing of garments as an indication of grief. In some traditions, the k’riah is performed upon learning of a death, whereas, in other traditions, it is commonly done at the funeral. Other mourners are discouraged from trying to comfort those family members during the Aninut, as the immediacy and pain of the loss is too powerful.

Shiva—The Seven Day Period of Mourning

As a general rule, the spouse, children, parents and siblings of the deceased go immediately to the Shiva house upon their departure from the burial. Upon arrival at the Shiva house, the immediate family members participate in the “condolence” meal, consisting of hard-boiled eggs and bagels, to symbolize the circle of life. A memorial candle is also lit upon arrival and stays lit for the entire period of Shiva.

Those sitting Shiva remain in the house of mourning for the entire week, and generally refrain from most of the routines and involvements of daily life. Working or conducting business during Shiva is specifically prohibited. Those sitting Shiva generally refrain from grooming, including shaving, bathing or wearing freshly washed clothes, and leather shoes are generally banned. Mourners also avoid any forms of entertainment. In addition, there are two customs unique to Shiva—all mirrors in the Shiva home must be covered, and the mourners typically don’t sit in chairs of normal height, but either on low stools or on the floor.

During Shiva, it is proper (and traditional) for persons outside the immediate family to pay a visit to Shiva house in order to offer condolences to the mourners. Friends and family members also traditionally send gifts of food, such as dried fruit, nuts, baked good and chocolates.

Sheloshim—The Thirty Day Period of Mourning

After Shiva ends, mourners will typically return to some activities of their daily lives, such as work. However, many close family members will still continue some of the practices carried on during Shiva for a period of thirty days from the burial:

  • Mourners may refrain from attending purely social events or gatherings, such as parties, weddings, concerts or movies
  • Mourners may choose not to shave, cut their hair or purchase/wear new clothes during the thirty-day-period
  • Mourners may continue to recite Kaddish three times daily

The One Year Period of Mourning

If the deceased was a parent, it’s common for all the activities engaged in during the Sheloshim to be extended for a full year (according to the Hebrew calendar). Though some may choose not to cut their hair for this period, Jewish law allows a mourner to terminate that practice upon “social reproach.” As an aide to determine when the one-year-period of mourning has ended, many mourners in the Jewish faith have a Yahrzeit calendar prepared, which calculates the anniversary of the death according to the Hebrew calendar.

Gutterman’s—Serving the Jewish Community for More than 125 Years

At Gutterman’s and Gutterman Warheit, we bring more than five generations of compassion, understanding and service to members of the Jewish communities in New York and Florida. We have a comprehensive knowledge of the unique funeral and burial customs within the different traditions in Judaism, and will work closely with you to pay respects to your loved one while following your faith. We offer a full range of funeral and burial services, from the memorial service to the preparation of an obituary, from the selection of a marker or monument to the creation of a Yahrzeit calendar or arrangement of Shiva.